不知道为什么，今年的我对于我的生日日期还蛮aware，
可能是因为要踏入BIG three的关系吧。
也可能是因为我的身体状况。
因为现在的我不能吃蛋糕，
所以我对蛋糕的欲望更是强烈。
我最爱吃的食物我甜点，可是我现在可以吃的甜点很有限。
这应该会是我最难忘的生日之一了吧。
毕竟踏入30，然后还有不能吃蛋糕。
但是我还是吃了~~~
我的天啊~~~
对于年龄我没有太大的不安和顾虑，
可是令我感到最大的顾虑是我人生最大的目标和年龄息息相关，
所以我不由自主的感到不安。
可是那天Chee Khong和我玩的塔罗牌的结果令我感到很开心，
因为看起来，我远大的目标应该可以实行。
由于最近的我有一点点的犹豫和不安，
也有在想是不是要放弃这个人生目标，
并用其他的目标来代替。
原因是因为我渐渐的失去的信心。
可是现在看起来我没有必要放弃的的人生目标了！
虽然我还是会感到不安，
Me Before You的书里有提到，
"当我们离开舒适圈时，我们在新的世界里会感到有点的不安。"
可是我觉得这个不安的感觉应该正是生活中可以让我感受到我正在活着的感觉吧？
虽然我很想过简单舒适的生活，但是我更想看一看这个世界。
其实我是一个很不安分守己的人，因为我都会有很多的妄想和愿望。
我不甘留在这个地方，因为我感觉不到归属感。
可是如果我对这个我出生和长大的地方都没有归属感的话，
那哪里才会有？
还是其实我要的只是安全感和我可以独立的感觉？
其实我很自相矛盾,
一方面我是一个胸无大志的人，我要实现我所谓的梦想其实就是过着平凡简单和安全安全安全（因为很重要，所以写3次。{跟谷阿莫学的}）的生活。
很显然的，我在这里是得不到这样的生活的，为什么？你自己看一看新闻和报纸吧。
我一直以来做着的事情都是在为这个目标而发奋图强。所以我是一个很不安分守己的人。
但是其实我只是为了更“伟大”的梦想。
我最近一直在思考着Dr. D很爱说的，
“Do you want to be a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond?”
But my answer to this is that I don't really care because I just wanted a simple, comfortable, and secure lifestyle.
If I can't get it here, I have to get it some where else.
That's why money is very important for me.
Where would I like to be part of their world?
The effort that I have put in really is beyond imaginable.
I sometimes wonder where did all the strength come from.
In the end of the day, I started questioning myself if all these are worth it?
Why did I stretch myself so much so to the point of the cliff's end?
Isn't I just said that I wanted a simple, comfortable, and secure lifestyle?
But can I stop now?
Of course I CAN!
But I don't want to!
Because I know I'm near to that goal, my dream of a lifetime is getting nearer and nearer.
I can't be possibly giving up now.
But why not?
I guess the only answer to this question is that I want to try it out because I don't want to regret for the rest of my life for not trying.
I want to see how much I can achieve.
I don't want to be trapped in this place for the rest of my life.
I want to see the world. I
cannot deceive myself to stay because all these urges are going to come back to "haunt" me if I choose to sweep them out of my conscious mind. I cannot neglect my inner self who are ready to blossom (I hope blossom it is).
If I can tell what I don't want, that means I know what I want, right?
不知道为什么一个生日的post变得那么长和没有重点的post.
最后献上我生日照片来纪念纪念咯~~~
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