勇气

我在FB看到一句有意思的话，

“你以为挑起生活的担子是勇气，

其实过自己真正想要的生活才需要勇气。”

我很认同。毕竟对我来说，要真的不管其他人说些什么而去追求自己真正想要过的生活所需要的是不一般的勇气。

无奈又有多少人会知道和了解呢?

以前的我，只要做了决定就会义无反顾的执行到底。

现在的我，做事都希望可以经过深思熟虑，不可轻易行动啊。

在衡量了一切所可以衡量的以后才做出决定。

其实这样有好，也有不好。

随着年龄的增长，我想这就是我有成长的地方了吧。

以前我爸很爱和我说，针没有两头利。

可是我就是很执著的要把另一头不利的针也要磨利的人。

久了以后发现，原来最累的人是自己。

所以现在很多时候，我都会提醒自己想任何事情的时候都要把自己纳入考量。

不要一味的先为其他人着想，因为有时候真的辛苦了自己，也不值得。

我希望我的人生还是可以以开心的过为主。

因为种种的经历让我觉得珍惜现在和活在当下才是人生最重要的。

当我遇到不如意的事情时，我也会尽量的提醒自己要正面一点的来面对。

毕竟还呼吸着才让我们有了要面对的事情啊。

********

FB最近有人post,说working and travel的lifestyle并不是reality,而是fantasy。

刚开始我认同，因为有些人只顾着想念那无忧无虑的生活形式而忽略了他们现在的生活。

接踵而来的就是因为无法面对在这里生活的“现实”生活而不断的埋怨现在的生活，

但是我想了一想上面的那一句话后，

我的看法不同了。

我想问写那篇文章的人，“你是谁？你凭什么说他们过的生活不是reality?

你听过subjective reality吗?”

我觉得只要在过着那生活形式的人才可以决定那是不是reality, 是天堂，还是fantasy.

不可以一竹竿打一船人。

归根究地还是个人的选择在作祟，还有现实，

如果你真的很想回去过着那一种你想要的生活的话，

那就拿出勇气/累积勇气与实力来得到那一切吧。

总比一直在讲而没有行动来得好吧。

Civilization and social responsibility

Living in a civilized society (I assumed I am),

I seriously think that we need to take good care of our own belongings to avoid causing troubles to the others, a classic example that I can think of range from the bystander effect to road use manners and vehicle maintenance. 

Some people just don't take care of their cars' road safety and drove their cars out without considering what troubles they might caused to the other road users. I don't care if it is financial issues or whatever other issues because it doesn't give them an excuse to cause trouble to the other road users! 

Please maintain your car's performance so that it doesn't broke down halfway causing a long traffic.

Especially those drivers who like to drive at a speed that's too slow following a fast lane. They are causing other road users time waste! I am not saying that you cannot drive slowly, but please drive at the correct lane according to your car's speed!

If we could think for the others, it would really make the world a better place to live in. 

Another incident that leads me to write this post was my visit to the cinema the other day. 

As we all know (I assumed), there are different warnings /age appropriate sign labelled to the films such as P13/P18.

The main purpose of the sign was to warn people/movie goers some contents in some films are inappropriate for viewers under the age of 13/15/18 years old. 

But what I saw the other day was a film labelled as P13, in TGV Kepong,

I have young children sitting next to and in front of me, 

I have children making noise wanting to eat popcorn and arguing about their seats. 

They were everywhere. 

Perhaps those parents/caregivers were not aware that the film was actually a P13 category. 

It was not the first time I encountered these types of situations since it happens almost every time I went for a movie. 

I can't blamed the workers there for not checking the age of the viewers when selling the tickets and at the entrance because everyone are busy and parents can buy the tickets for their children, right? 

*rollingeyes* 

But, parents? 

Aren't parents' responsibilities to educate their children? 

Although it seems that the society is changing and we are not really sure whose responsibility is that to educate children anymore.

*itissoobvioustomethatparentshavetheprimaryresponsibilitythough* 

But, if you parents chose to bring along your young kids (younger than the age limit), please be sure that they will not behave in a way that disturbs other movie goers.

I cannot control what and how you want to teach/educate your young children, but if you can't control them, it shows that you have poor social responsibility awareness because it disturbed the others in the same cinema. 

Yeah, of course I understand that there are young couples who would like to spend sometime together and re-experience your good old times and due to whatever life circumstances and unforeseen circumstances, no one else could help you to take care of your young children and children and you have to bring them along, 

but please do not use it as an excuse to put your burden onto the others.

Please remember that we live in a "civilized" society,

we should be responsible of our own conduct, please...

For those who do not silent their phones, I really have no words for them because they can't even follow a simple instruction with the ads showed right before the film starts. 

Perhaps they lived in their own fantasy world where people are super accommodating and can't hear their ringtones. 

关于工作

最近有开始感受到工作上的压力，

因为责任在增加，可是很多时候都有double standard的指示，

所以我很混乱。。。

很多时候，这些压力的来源并不是来自于工作本身，

而是来自于身边的同事。

我在department里只是个小小新人啊.

为什么要人前一套，人后一套呢？

大家和睦共处的工作不好吗？

没有必要处处咄人...

人家有果酸换肤，而我有晒伤换肤 (Subaru Palm Challenge 2015)

Subaru Palm Challenge 2015 (Malaysia Leg) on the 5th September, 2015

几年前参加过这个活动一次，

为的就是可以赢得一辆Subaru轿车。

其实那时侯也是为了我弟，所以和他一起去参加的。

那时侯我们在网络上报名参加，可是却没有收到通知可以不可以参加；

所以我们是在当天早上接到电话并赶到Pavilion参加的。

那时侯我们都带着烫伤了的手掌回家。

而我在我弟出局后大约15-20分钟就决定弃权并一起回家。

我也忘记了我坚持了多久了。

那是第一次，所以也没有准备任何东西就出了。

今年在radio听到这个消息后就约了我弟一起去挑战。

我以为应该会像之前一样，

只要动了手掌一点点就会被判出局，所以并没有做好任何防晒措施。

毕竟我只是志在参与，至少做一些不一样的东西啊。

位置也可能不是很有利。

所以我以为我会很快就出局的

可是他们的形式改变了很多，

我看到其实很多人的手掌都有在移动，

可是却没有人被判出局。

由于当第一个出局的人很丢脸，

所以我在曝晒底下还是坚持了下去。

After all, I endured for 95 minutes.

Can you believe it?!!

I hate to be under the hot sun so much and yet I endured for so long. 

After all, the thought of doing something different kept me endured this experience actually. 

In the end, 我还是第一个出局的人。

无谓的坚持让我的右手臂晒伤了，不，应该是说，我的手臂被晒熟了。

在我的人生里，我第一次感受到原来晒伤是那么的痛的，连我在搽lotion和aloe vera gel的时候轻轻的搽过都痛啊~~~到最后，我连烫伤膏都拿来搽，可是到了晒伤的第三天了，
我的手臂还是很红，也还有一点痛。

所以我开始帮我的手臂服mask和搽小麦草。

小麦草粉干了以后让我觉得自己好像The Hulk. 

 这是搽了我很珍惜的bubble mask以后。

可是做了那么多以后，

我的手臂还是很红，可是照片看不太出来。

而这张照片就是我的
“人家有果酸换肤，而我有晒伤换肤 ”
的照片啦。。

我以后不敢小看防晒lotion的威力了，
因为我一直以来都觉得防晒只是搽来保心安，没有实际的功效。

也可能是因为我都不会在大太阳底下待太久，

所以就分不出有搽防晒和没搽防晒的分别咯。。。

其实我没有试过被晒伤。。。

可是这一次，我也不知道我自己为什么那么有毅力的在太阳底下曝晒了95分钟。

事情过了以后，我回家的后果就是看着我那熟透了的手臂。

而且啊，我一整个星期都不敢穿短袖的衣服上班。

因为我的手臂真的夸张的恐怖。

一个星期过后，

我的手臂出现了脱皮的状况，

标题也是看到了脱皮状况而突发奇想的。

“人家有果酸换肤，而我有晒伤换肤”

但是我的换肤情况好像把我的手变得更黑了。

我那珍贵的白皙的皮肤啊。

我的朋友都知道我对白皙的皮肤有多么的执著。

可是这一次，我真的真的不知道我自己为什么那么有毅力的在太阳底下曝晒了95分钟。

我那时候很可能是疯了吧。。。

ps:这是第二个星期了，我还是不敢穿短袖上班。。。

what you want vs. what you need

I discovered something that I think I should have discovered them long time ago recently. 

To put them in simple words, it was realizing that what you want and think that it was good for you might not actually be the best for you and you actually don't need it.

Nowadays, I sincerely believed that God has a time for everything and before you are ready, the time for what you want might not come to you or might not happen at all.

Maybe you just have to get ready for the things that you wanted to happen so that you're ready when it does happen.  

Yet, I shuddered whenever I think about it because I'm worried that my ultimate goal might not happen at all. 

But there's no point worrying something that's so... should I say far? No, maybe something distant, no, hmm, I can't find the right word because I'm moving towards it in my own pace because I really want it to happen. Perhaps God is trying to arrange a time for it to happen too.      

At the same time,
 I don't mean that you can do nothing and wait for something miracle to happen in your life

although miracles do happen, I believed in it without any doubt. 

But maybe, the reason that what I wanted the most in my life didn't happen because I wasn't ready for it. There is this "one" thing that I have always wanted "it" to happen in my life because I think that "it" eventually makes me one step closer to the "ultimate goal" in my life and that's definitely a dream come true for me.
I think I'll be the happiest person on earth the day it happens.

I'm not going to say what are they. 

But I have to say that the "ultimate goal" has been in my mind since I was pretty young till today, probably when I was around 13 or 14. I don't remember when did it happen exactly but it was definitely before I turned 15.

I didn't really tell anyone about it other than my family members until recently. 

Maybe because I'm in my process of individuation and I don't feel awkward about telling it to some of my friends anymore and I don't care about what they might think of me after telling them about  what's my "ultimate goal". 

and YES, I'm not going to type it out publicly here because I wasn't ready and I can admit this.    

So maybe, I was just not ready before and I'm going towards being ready for "that" to happen because I came across something online saying that "what you think may be the right answer is actually not the best one." I think that maybe the same scenario is happening in my life where what I think I want and the right answer on my life is actually not the best one for me and maybe, God knows what's better for me and I am actually getting what's the best for me rather than what I think is good for me. 

I don't know. 

Because I will continue to work on getting to my "ultimate goal" and if God allows it, 

it might just mean that I was ready for it and that's what's best for me.  

This year is my year?

Because of my thyroid issues, I developed some severe side effects from the medications that I took because it inhibits the production of my white blood cells and caused me to have tonsillitis. I was admitted to the hospital for about 5 days and it should be longer actually. But I chose to just go home and rest because the fees were crazily high despite the fact that I'm using my medical card. 

Even though I was warned that I'm prone to infection and shouldn't go home, 

I still choose to go home. 

After all, my family went Genting during the hari raya holidays. 

So only my sister and I were at home and my sister was the one who took care of me primarily in that weekend.

Then, I rested at home for another week to really feel better and went for few follow-ups before I go to work in my dad's office. 

But the follow-up services were so poor and I wasn't properly informed of my treatment plan actually. I was angry but I choose not to say anything because I'm not going to continue my treatment there given their attitudes and services.

I was really grateful because Dr. Richard helped me to get an opportunity to seek for a second opinion from Dr. Foo for my thyroid issues. I was told that I don't have to go for an operation neccesarily because there is other option available. 

After the consultation, I have decided that I will be doing a radioactive iodine treatment because that's what they usually do according to Dr Foo. 

&

Hopefully the RAI treatment will work on me since it has a success rate of 90%. 

I don't want to be a minority any more because I was told that very few people developed the side effects that I had after taking the thyroid medications!

After the RAI treatment, I was told that I might have to isolate myself. 

Some people told me that I might be admitted while some people told me that I don't have to be admitted.

Hmm, will see how it goes when I go for the treatment on Monday, 03/08/2015.
and I really think that God has a time for everything in life.
My sister actually went traveling which allows me to quarantine myself in my own room and I don't have to worry about her/try to find out what we can do about me. 

Because of the treatment, I can't go report for work on 03/08/2015!

At first, I thought maybe I can go the next day, but if I were to isolate myself, that means I can't!

So, what do I do then?

The job that I found after so long and so much hardship might just leave me because of my health.

Then my dad told me that I should have asked to start work after all my treatments. 

Otherwise, find a new job if they don't allow. 

In my mind, I was thinking does my dad know how hard it is to find a job that I want?

But I know he cares for me and health is more important than anything else. 

Then, I emailed the person in charge and she didn't reply me until 3 days later. 

The reply was positive because the faculty agreed to let me start mid August!

Wow, that was really good news for me and when I told one of my friends, she said that this year is my year man! 

Despite a turmoil and stormy month I had, better things seemed to fall together. 

I read somewhere saying that

 "sometimes, good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."

People often cry when good things fell apart and it was like the end of the world when it happens. I used to be like this too, I can't let go when good things fall apart because I want to hold on to them. Who doesn't? 

How can I let beautiful things go away from me, right?

But, it never really crossed my mind that maybe better things are coming and good things had to fall apart so that better things can fall together. 

I always thought that bad things are coming or forming because good thing fell apart.   

Well the reality is, that's not always the case.  

But balance, good and bad things will happen and maybe there's no such thing as good and bad too. It really depends on how we view things to be good or bad.

For me, being admitted to the hospital was such a bad thing for me because I felt so sad that my parents had to come and visit me and taking care of me. It didn't feel good being weak. 

At the same time, I also felt sorry because I'm making them feeling worried for me. 

But life goes on, I guess both good and bad things are going to happen continuously just like the yin and yang in life and it really depends on how you view them. Like me, I get to rest when I was admitted and it was really boring for me!

03/08/2015

I had the RAI treatment today and I have to quarantine myself till next Monday.
Also, the doctor told me that I will have to be on medications for a lifetime because RAI does destroy all my thyroid glands. And if this RAI didn't destroy all of them, I might have to repeat RAI after 6 months and it really depends on individuals.
Hopefully I can be cured with further RAI!
Hmm, rather than having to go for an operation, I think that RAI is better since both procedures will leave me having to be on medications for a lifetime.
Be positive! =)
这次还真的是先在家休息和可以无所事事的睡觉和看戏然后再开始工作了。

It's about Singapore again... 17 - 21 June 2015

I have the opportunity travelling to Singapore again mid-June because of a conference and I was actually looking towards it.

And I'm back, few days ago. It took me some time to write this because I was sick and things were going on. I don't seemed to have enough rest, but I'm writing this. This was my first conference and I was actually surprised that wines were served at the end of each day. It was fun meeting people from different countries and listening to their experiences in counseling. I enjoyed the chatting sessions!

This post was kinda delayed and delayed because of my health issues. Now that I feel better and healthier, I want to complete this happy post as soon as possible. =) Owh, I have been neglecting this for so long~~~

Well, other than the conference, I actually have the opportunity to stay in Marina Bay Sands Singapore this time round, which is also a prestigious hotel. It was famous for it's infinity pool and also a sky park. When I went to Singapore with Jeng Mun in January, we were standing opposite this hotel admiring the magnificent building and discussed how we wished to stay there the next time we visit Singapore. Well this time round, it was a wish came true and I stayed in there and I actually asked my friend to join me since good things are meant to be shared and happiness are meant to be shared! My cousins will be there too!

The stated check-in time is 3 pm but I reached around 2 pm and they allowed me to check-in. So it was good, but they don't have a room which is on the same level as my cousin. I was reluctant to take the room at first, but anyway, because I'm too tired, I took the room. It was on tower 3, level 33. My cousin's room is on level 39. Hmm, level 33 is not a good level because I have to transfer to another escalator to go to level 57 for the infinity pool and sky park. But compared to those with a lower level, maybe level 33 is not too bad at all. The air conditioning in the room was great because it was too cold that I have to open the balcony door to lower the temperature of the room and it actually has a smart design that when you actually open the balcony door, the air condition will be stopped. 

My room was facing the Garden's by the Bay. It was a good view because it's not noisy during the night. Here are some of the pictures I took using a selfie stick for the FIRST time!

My skill was not that good. But I guess you can still see the garden? ;p

The infinity pool!!!

It was actually quite gloomy that afternoon and it was COLD up there!

My friend, Lai Ying. 

The morning before we check out. =)

The weather was much better and I can feel the heat merely by looking at this picture!

The very first night there!

My cousin and I.

We were resting in my cousin's room while waiting for her brother...

Lai Ying didn't want to get into the pool originally but ended up with me in the pool... lol

The night scenery was really great! We can even see the merlion up there!
But it was really COLD~~~

Then, on Saturday morning, my cousin brought me to a cafe named Common Man Coffee  Roasters.
However, this cafe was not as common as it's named.
The food there was really nice and my cousin said that they provide the best coffee around there.
This place is so famous that queuing is common there and there were people come and go.
It was really busy and I think the owner there doesn't have to worry about having no business/customers.

 My hot chocolate. =)

Our Turkish breakfast. 

The portion was really big and I was feeling so full after finishing everything. 

Someone told me that this is expensive and doesn't worth it but I think the prices are around the same as KL's cafe and if you don't convert, it wasn't really expensive, I think. 

Another highlight of my trip to Singapore is this, 

LLAO LLAO!

I'm sure you have heard me saying this because llao llao is only available in Singapore and the "raffaello" sauce is so nice!!!

My cousins are llao llao's big fan too~~~
I have had llao llao 3 times when I was there this time!

The journey comes to an end on that Sunday where CK was so nice to send me off to the airport...

We had a quick lunch before I came back to Malaysia at Terminal 3, but I don't remembered the name of the fried chicken that we had! Oh my, I have left this post for too long!

But the fried chicken was really nice and I really enjoyed it so much! But it can be very heaty because it's fresh from the oil! They are at the right size and I was able to finish all 3 of them.

Look who I met when I was in Terminal 3!!!

Hahaha, it was a surprise for me. 

This trip was so tiring for me that the moment I boarded the plane, I dozed off! Gosh, can you imagine that? I didn't even finish watching the air stewardess' safety measures and what to do if emergency happens. I tried so hard to remained my eyes open but I failed. My eyes weren't in my control at all! And the strangest thing is, I don't usually sleeps in plane because I don't feel comfortable and I just can't get any sleep when I'm in a plane in the past.

When I actually woke up, it was due to the announcement by the captain asking cabin crew to get ready for landing. What?

Hmm. I guess this trip was maybe just too tiring for me and I walked too much maybe?